Sunday, December 6, 2009


Over the years, we have often observed that men make choices in their mates based upon an image of what “wifey” should be or look like. This standard is usually based on a need to impress others or to maintain their self-image. While we understand that everyone has their preferences on who they are attracted to, we can also see how these preferences can be a way of protecting a man from confronting his own insecurities.

We have all heard the stereotype of what men look for in a partner; a woman who is agreeable, doesn’t ask too many questions, doesn’t talk too much, maintains a certain physical “image”, and always, without question, has her man's back. On the surface, these may be perceived as positive traits but judging a woman solely on her ability to conform to this image does not allow a man to truly be all of who he is. When a man makes it clear to a woman that she is too much of one thing or not enough of the other, she may contort herself to fit the mold of what she thinks that man may want. But, what are the unintended consequences of creating this standard?

We believe that only seeking out these preferred traits in a woman could result in a man creating self-imposed limitations that ultimately stagnate his personal growth and stifle his ability to move beyond his comfort zones. Using the perception of lack and the belief in a shortage of “quality men” to instill fear and manipulate women into conforming to a certain standard not only causes injury to the collective self-esteem of women, but it also prevents a man from fully developing into his own manhood. When this happens, a man becomes a child to be catered to instead of a strong man that protects and supports his woman.

When a man deliberately seeks for a woman to be less than who she is, he does not allow himself to be more of who he is. By adopting these stereotypes, he is not making smart choices, as he would assume. What he is really doing is keeping himself safe from feeling vulnerable and therefore becomes a slave to his own insecurities. When a man requires that a woman be a Barbie doll character, he settles for a lie. As this deception plays itself out, he becomes more and more dissatisfied with the women that he attracts, and in turn blames the women for being fake. But, fake is as fake does. When we deny others to be fully expressed in a relationship, we deny ourselves the freedom of being accepted for who we really are.

1 comment:

  1. Before I could actually finish this article I have to be truly honest, I starting think about the many sexual experience as a young teen to my earliest years as adult. I mislead many young woman sole heartily for selfish reasons. In some instance I even preyed upon the weak because I knew the smell of it. I was passionate, a listen, very attentive, such a clever communicator, well groom, and never appear to have an obvious motive.

    These particular attributes as a young adult was the doorway to a lot of women hearts. Maybe because I was seduce at the early age of 16 by a woman who was in her early twenties. Did this make me mature? Maybe. Who knows? All I know is I experience a lifestyle of passive aggressive women far to long by time I exited college. As I grew, my mind needed to feed on so much more than the image of sex. I needed a mental opposite, an equal reflection, a perfect challenge, total inspiration because sex was such game by this time. I knew I needed to stop because I really wanted to take woman seriously and love through sweaty palms, goose bumps and 6 hours conversation late at night. I needed simplicity for once in my life.

    My conclusion is a lot men today fear the effort to self-reflect and admit to their insecurities. I'm sure a lot of these reasons are stemming from a dark root of a genetic, transmitted past or merely being a product of a certain environment. Whatever the case may be men need not to see women as submissive object and woman need not to see men as providers for their selfish habits. When courting, man and woman should focus on an equal responsible partner, and suggest one another to carry their own weight. Times are different, times are hard, the air we breathe today is not traditional its fuse by digital programming. The only thing we still own, by the way still is perfectly authentic, communication. For WOMEN this resource can prevent being subject to the wrong standards of "WIFEY". The early signs are a lifesaver.