Tuesday, April 19, 2011


As women, we pride ourselves on being selfless and giving. We are the backbone of our families. We are our partner’s support. We are our children’s greatest advocates. We are the shoulder that our girlfriends lean on in times of trouble. We give, give, give ourselves away, even if we resent doing so. Why? Because it’s what’s expected of us? Or is it because we have signed up for the story that being selfless makes us good people? Somehow, somewhere, we got sold a bill of goods. We were told that giving our all in service to those we love is what we “should” do, and that the more we give, the better we are, and the more we will be loved , adored, and cherished. We are led to believe that there is no middle ground for us. We are either selfless or we are selfish, and heaven forbid that we should ever be called selfish. And so, in the story of being either good or bad; selfless or selfish, we sacrifice ourselves in the name of being good. We sacrifice our own happiness, or so we think, to benefit others. We often say that it’s because we have to or because we have no choice in the matter. The truth is that we don’t always have to and we do have a choice. Now, I’m all for giving. I believe that giving is good for the soul, but when we begin to feel diminished because of it, we may want to consider a radical idea. We may want to consider sucking it up, defying convention, and allowing ourselves to be………selfish.

Me? I choose to be selfish. I choose to put my personal health and well-being before anything and everyone else. I choose to say “No” and “No, thank you”, even when I am met with resistance, guilt and blame. I am quite convinced that I owe nothing, other than the authentic expression of me, to the people in my life. I know that I cannot be the best possible “me” in service to others if I am not grounded within myself. Because I choose to be selfish, I am free to give and be present with loved ones without feeling overwhelmed or burdened. There is no need for me to take “me time”, because I know that every moment of my life is just that-“me time” and I am free to choose how I will spend it. Do I sometimes do things that I would rather not so that others might benefit? Is it sometimes necessary for me to go to the back of the line so that others may be served first? Of course, but in doing so I am very much aware that even that is my choice. It isn’t duty and it isn’t obligation. It’s my choice. And in my choosing, I allow myself to be responsible to and for the only person in my life who holds the key to my happiness-me.

-This post was written by Angie