Sunday, October 18, 2009
YOU AIN'T THE BOSS OF ME!
In chapter four of "The Conversation", Mr. Hill Harper makes the observation that women sometimes fail to make the men they date feel wanted. He describes making a man feel wanted as, "...a woman[s] truly including a man in her decision-making process, asking him to weigh in on things that matter to her, and then valuing his answer." When we read this, we began to evaluate why we sometimes do not allow a man's opinion to weigh as heavily as our girlfriends' on things that are important to us.
Where did we get this? Are we fearful that if we accept a man's direction, we have relinquished control over our own lives and could be lead down the wrong path and left in a ditch? Too often, we believe that the way to make a man feel wanted is by wearing sexy shoes and lingerie, but this is just window-dressing. We tend to only accept his input when he agrees with our point-of-view and when he doesn't, we make it clear to him that we don't need his help, period. However, when it comes to our advice for him, we want to be the leader of the band! We want him to march in perfect step, never break formation, and to sound damned good while doing it!
So many of us desire the comfort of a good man, yet we find ourselves struggling with how to make a man feel wanted and how to share our lives in a meaningful way. Fear can cause us to be unwilling to allow a man who is worthy, but imperfect like ourselves, to step up in a way that honors the both of us. We would all say that we want to make a man feel wanted, but if that is truly what we desire, then we have to behave in ways that are consistent with experiencing that outcome.