tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1137710528742876056.post617922003355684120..comments2013-12-03T07:15:49.002-08:00Comments on OVER THE STORY: YOU AIN'T THE BOSS OF ME!Over The Storyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05521498796960722499noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1137710528742876056.post-38656154778355285452009-10-23T12:34:00.406-07:002009-10-23T12:34:00.406-07:00Heh, I think his thoughts on the male inclusion ar...Heh, I think his thoughts on the male inclusion are outdated, and are upheld solely by the outdated male. Apologies in advance for being so long winded, and perhaps I’m taking it out of context as I haven’t read the book. Both parties in a relationship should uphold each other’s opinions over most others as they are the only two that really matter when it comes to their bond. But if this is being presented as a “must-have” for male happiness whe dating, then it’s ridiculous. Insecurity is what fuels that unwarranted requirement to be conferenced with prior to any finalized decisions. As a male, have confidence that your counterpart is capable of making sound decisions independent of you, while maintaining comfort that those decisions hold no bearing on the status of your relationship, nor how you (the male) are viewed within the relationship. No one wants to be excluded, and if respect and love are there, the inclusion will always be there in tandem. Communication and consultation will come automatically once a defined, intimate commitment is formed. To suggest that that is required in any dawning state of a relationship is just plain silly. For the sake of being controversial, await the "I told you so" moment following failure as the result of an ill-contrived decision. But tell her so with tact and tenderness, of course. ;-) Sure, every human being has the desire to feel loved and wanted. But the efforts & methods used to satiate that desire should not come by way of stroking one's ego.<br /><br />If anything, prefer to uphold the chivalrous role and await those windows of opportunity when your services, err.. opinions are requested/valued/NEEDED. Then and ONLY then will they be completely appreciated and digested thoroughly. Like everyone, she needs space to grow and explore her own mind. Not constantly be intellectually stagnated by the idea of her thoughts not holding any merit without authoritative approval. ...I liken it to walking through an art gallery while on a date. Don't be so hasty to immediately overwhelm her with all of your opinions on the pieces on display, despite your possible expertise. Allow her time to digest all of it on her own, formulate her own opinions, give her the breathing room she may need to explore and take it all in... Pick your spots carefully and offer opinions when needed. Better yet, when requested. Usually best when following an inquiry of her own thoughts. Confidence is the key. When it becomes this mechanical process of the female going through the monotonous motions of dotting the I's and crossing the T's by way of ensuring she begrudgingly consults with her male partner just for the sake of maintaining the stability of his ego; the male, foolishly, performs the folly of downplaying his true value in the union and actually does more to diminish the respect previously received by his mate. The ultimate initial step in the beginnings of demise in a relationship. When a woman loses her sense of grandeur for her mate, she will consider other options. Period. That heroic air with which so many use to gently gloss their reality will steadily fade. When the male performs acts to preset himself in a manner so as to give the appearance of the pathetic, attention needing weakling, he only expediates that process. The whole weighing in and valuing has to be genuine, and not some compulsory process.<br /><br />The truth is, there is no magical, secret formula to making a man (or woman for that matter) feel needed. The only thing that will consistently prevail is true love itself. Make him feel needed and wanted by showing him how needed and wanted he actually is. Be the ravenous, animalistic glamazon that seeks to have every pore absorbed in his fluids. Consultation and communication should be desired and bi-lateral. Not a go-to tool in your "box-o-make-man-happy" stuff. But of course above all, being honest and genuine will be the only things to make any efforts truly effective.DNathnoreply@blogger.com