Sunday, September 13, 2009


In our discussions, we've discovered something about ourselves. We found out that in seeking a relationship with a man, we have created a character image of a man and our image of him rarely changes. This role comes complete with a costume, props, character breakdown and pre-written lines; and the accompanying story has a pre-determined "happy-ending" that more often than not ends with a ring, two kids, a house and a dog!

We spend our time looking for an actor to play the part and it doesn't matter who he is, or what he does, what his beliefs are or even what his expectations are for the relationship. You see...we believe that all men should follow our script. And, when he doesn't we ask ourselves "what's wrong with him?"

But more than that, we like this script, this script comforts us and when he doesn't follow it we think "what's the point?" The whole point of the script is to follow the script. He is supposed to sweep us off our feet, love us unconditionally and know exactly what we need and what to say at the right moments...

But then we figured out that we had bought into a story and we started to question ourselves, we began challenging ourselves and challenging each other asking:

Oh, really? And how realistic is that? Who made up this story and why have we adopted it as our own? If we look around at other people's relationships...I mean really look, do we see this fairytale story playing itself out according to our expectations? How many people follow a script that other people write for them?

And we asked ourselves "did we?" Do you?


  1. This is an interesting perspective, mostly true. The implication in your comment is that we should write our own script for happiness. I should define what a successful relationship looks like for me, and only me. I've done that and it works!

  2. Go Lisa, You Da Bomb-Diggity!

  3. Well Marcus, it's nice to know that a man actually writes his own script. Considering everyones mate is tailored made for that individual alone. Please share with us the one that you have written and actually worked.

  4. "The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed."
    -Carl Jung

  5. When pondering on the general idea of relationship, and of what one is comprised, I can't help but be immediately targeted onto what the term itself, "relationship" is actually saying. When reflecting on the term, I see one object being defined via two disparate additives. Consider the first half, 'relation', or to relate, suggesting an understood and accepted commonality. Unification by way of what can be a mere thread of continuity, yet the binding affect of such results in an undeniable, nay, uncanny connection between multiples. Powerful indeed. Reflection on the latter of the two halves see's that you're presented with, (from a syllabic perspective), a seemingly less-than-spectacular end to the compound. 'Ship'. Immediately I'm reminded of a vessel. An object of transport whose sole purpose is to consolidate multiple objects together within one isolated form, and transfer them to an alternate location. Without regard of what the surrounding elements encountered throughout the journey may be, the objective is to arrive at the projected destination without harm or damage to the prepackaged cargo. The act itself sounds slightly daunting even when considering inanimate, spirit-void material. Injecting multiple humans into the scenario raises the likelihood of improbability to incalculable levels.

    The human, a vessel in its' own splendor, is comprised of so many delicate, yet specific factors that demand exacting consideration when attempting to consolidate and transfer. Of utmost importance, in my opinion, is the actualization each must digest of their respective sentience. This innate self-awareness empowers each to first master the most important, most intimate relationship ever encountered: The relationship within self. The fact of the matter is that our lives are each a culmination of a multitude of relationships, constantly shifting yet all demanded to harmonize in a manner similar to that of a symphony orchestra given the command to perform minus the musical liner notes. Each and every relationship managed on a daily basis, regardless of the dynamism of its' immediate impact, is carefully regulated by individual requirements and expectations; your relationship with you career, your relationship with your environment, your car, your pet, your wardrobe, family, opinions, ideas, sanity, vices, preferences, fears, dreams.... All are preciously managed in such a way to maintain what each has grown comfortable in defining as balance. A balance vital to understanding, in as much completeness as possible, prior to thrusting one's potentially unknown self into the self-contained universe of another.

    This, I believe, is the thrux of all relationship-related folly. From my perspective, it's not a matter of gender that necessarily draws the proverbial line in the sand. Disposition and self awareness are the factors that either bind or divide. So many are willing to dive head-first, and viciously launch themselves into something they don't completely understand, while not completely understanding themselves to begin with. Knowing first; who you are, and second; exactly what you want will be keys vital to not only establishing something real with someone, but maintaining something valuable with the longevity to see it blossom, and ultimately flower from its' own seed.

  6. Wow! I have nothing else to say. DNath has said it all.