Thursday, April 12, 2012


How do we bridge the so-called divide between men and women? How do we create understanding? How do we heal our relationship wounds? How do we get back to…..LOVE?

Like other women, I have often asked myself these questions. I have also participated in endless discussions on this very topic. I have chimed in, weighed in, and boldly stated my opinion about what we “should” do in order to come to some sort of resolution. But after many years and countless hours of discussion, it finally occurred to me that “we” don’t need to do a doggone thing. And as a result, I am now choosing to sit down, shut up and mind my own business. No, I am not frustrated. I am not bitter. And, I am not giving up. For the first time, I have realized that all that talking might just be problem.

On a purely superficial level, it is very easy to talk about what’s going on in society. It’s also easy to point out the flaws, talk about the breakdowns in communication, rail against the false perceptions, and complain about what we consider to be the questionable actions of the opposite sex. It’s very easy to say how much better things would be if “everybody” would just do (or stop doing) one thing or another. What isn’t so easy? Turning that laser-like focus on ourselves and determining exactly what it is that we can do as individuals to improve the quality of our own personal relationships. It isn’t so easy when it comes to talking about what we can do to heal ourselves.

It is often said that charity begins at home; and knowing this, it doesn’t really make sense to pipe up about the work that needs to be done if we are unwilling to commit ourselves to doing the work. In other words, maybe our role in healing the seemingly compromised state of male-female relationships is to actually BE the change we wish to see in others. Instead of waiting for the “we” or the “them” to get on board so that we can turn this thing around, we might want to start with the “I.” In doing so, we just might begin to see the positive shift that we all want so badly to come about.

When it comes to relationships, we all know that a healthy discussion can help shed light on some of the challenges that we face with one another. There’s no denying that. But what about getting to work on those things within us that we know have caused damage to ourselves and others? It might be time to for us to stop talking so much and start doing. As for me, I’m gonna spend a little more time focusing on the “I” part of “we.”

-Angie G.

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