Sunday, June 6, 2010

Is There Really THAT Much Power in The P*?

We read somewhere that there is not one of ‘our’ relationship problems that cannot be solved by a Black woman simply closing her legs. Humph! Could this be the magical solution? Should we just get some self-esteem and pull our panties up? Now while this may make logical sense to some, we began to mull this familiar supposition over and voila, the idea occurred to us that this widely held belief may not at all be the simple solution it appears to be, but rather a BIG part of the problem!

Inherent in this thinking is that women must be the stronger of the two sexes and therefore must be responsible for making the most discerning decisions regarding intimacy. Could this be setting women up to be the perfect scapegoats upon the demise of relationships gone intimate too soon? Are the successes and failures of our relationships a direct result of what we as women do or don’t do? Is it really ALL about our failure to wield our P* Power with authority? And what about the men?!? Well, it seems that under this scenario, they come out scot-free. They are seemingly relegated to the role of children to be rewarded or punished based upon the quality of their behavior. They are not culpable, nor do they bear any of the burden, or so they may think...

When a man engages in a sexual relationship with a woman for whom he has no serious intentions, the outcome of this “hook up” for the woman is that she often becomes emotionally invested. Even when a woman screams from the rooftop, “I’m just out to get mine!”, repeated attachment to men who have no desire to provide her with the love and attention she is really seeking can lead to a change in attitude; she becomes bitter, angry and mistrustful.

As a result, once a man gets to the age where he wants to settle down, he may find that most of the women he encounters are scorned. We have heard many of our male friends say, “Why am I paying the price for what the last man did?!?" and to that, we respond, “Why would you think that you wouldn’t?” After all, we are all suffering in our own mess, why would YOU be any different? Don’t be naïve, your choice to “do you” while ignoring the part you’ve played in mishandling your female counterparts through the years contributes to our collective pain; and at some point, you will be forced to reckon with it.

Look, it comes down to a need for both women and men to alter our thinking about this issue. For a man to hold onto the antiquated belief that “I need you to keep your legs closed in order for me to respect you and understand your worth”, demeans a man’s personal power. Implying that a woman needs to be responsible for a man's behavior is contrary to a man’s natural inclination to lead. At what point can we start to count on our Black men to have our backs, protect our hearts and keep their pants zipped until they are clear that all women are too precious to simply use and discard?