Monday, August 30, 2010


Commitment. One word that women of all ages are familiar with. Most of us want it, many of us chase it, and some of us worship the thought of having it. We want somebody to “put a ring on it.”

But often, the search for commitment is not a movement toward something, but more a desire to run away from something; and that something could be loneliness, single girl income or being the last one in a circle of friends to walk down the aisle. Yes, commitment sounds good, but what does it really mean to us? To most of us, it means having a “plus 1.” It means validation. It means that we have been chosen. It means that we are “good enough.”

And as we pursue the brass (or “golden”) ring, the achievement of anything short of that becomes flat and meaningless. "Single" becomes a four letter word and the older we get, the nastier the word becomes for some of us. We come to believe that we have somehow missed the mark or that we don’t measure up; that we alone are not enough; or that we are on the outside of our own lives waiting for someone to unlock the door and let us in. Our other accomplishments begin to pale in comparison and being in a committed relationship becomes the stick by which we measure how successful we are. Careers are not enough. Family is not enough. Friendships are not enough. Love, in all its other manifestations, is not enough.

But through it all, as romantic relationships begin and end on our journey to finding “the one”, we are always left with ourselves. And for that reason, our bliss must come through an appreciation of ourselves and all of the many blessings that we have -recognizing that we are experiencing love regardless of our relationship status. Who we are is not enhanced by a ring. So, in our race toward commitment, we have to ask ourselves, “When I reach that magical destination called ‘married’, who am I gonna be?”

It’s time to rid ourselves of the antiquated belief that our lives will somehow begin with “I do.” Life is happening now; and as we continue to create whatever in our lives that we are desiring, we will be no better or worse than who we choose to be in this very moment.


  1. Very well said. I like to think I've accomlished a lot for myself in my education and career. I've even learned a lot about my relationships with family, friends, and God. Yet I still find myself seeking to be in a committed relationship and eventually married as if I'm not complete without that piece. Thanks for giving me a new perspective!!!

  2. Thanks for your comments, Sinnamon! Sometimes, we have to take a moment and think about what we are really after. And to get an answer that is right for us, we must first have the courage to ask the question. What do we REALLY want from a commitment/marriage? The fact is that we are WHOLE as we are. Nothing is missing. Being in a couple does not "complete" us.

  3. Once again, you ladies have "nailed" it! It is my desire that many more people come to gain enlightenment from your wisdom, and insight.

  4. I don't know why my comment has not posted, let me try this again; thanks JKT...we appreciate the support! :)

  5. I'm diggin' where this is going. It takes a lot to take a step back and ask the hard questions of yourself. This post was for brothers too.

    Shank ya...

  6. Wow, didn't think about how this post could affect men. Thank you for the feedback and support This Is Al!