Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Ever notice how anxious we sometimes get when things don’t go exactly as we plan? When it comes to relationships, we get particularly wound up when we perceive that our partners are not “on board” with every plan that we choose to create for ourselves or that they are somehow failing us when they don’t participate the way that we would wish for them to... Sometimes, we even feel like we are being stopped from living out our passions and blame them for not supporting us. After trying time and again to engage our partners in endeavors that we enjoy and coming up empty handed, we sometimes give up the fight and call it a compromise.

What we don’t often consider is the impact that this behavior has on us. It is one thing to concede on certain points, all in the name of being generous or sensitive to another’s feelings. It is quite another to concede, but harbor resentment over the decision; or worse yet, to believe that relationships require that sometimes one partner must compromise their life experiences in order to maintain balance within the relationship. This is faulty thinking. When we take on this belief, we actually increase our own sense of powerlessness, create unnecessary stress in our relationships, and lose focus on an absolute truth about life. And this truth is that in any situation, we all have the ability to choose. While it is nice to have our partners along for the adventure, the adventure still remains a possibility for us if we choose to proceed on our own.

Once we release the need to drag others along on our life’s journey, we will see that we do not need for anyone to be compliant with our wishes in order for us to choose to honor our commitment to ourselves when it comes to personal goals, expectations and experiences. When we move forward and fully experience our lives as we intend them to be, we will no longer see others as standing in our way or holding us apart from what we desire, which is often at the root of our self-created anxiety. In this place, we become truly powerful.

Sometimes we can feel resistant and angry when our partners do not meet our plans with the same level of enthusiasm that we would want them to. When we experience this agitation, it is not necessary to control our negative thoughts or blame ourselves for feeling this way. We simply need to surrender our thoughts and our feelings about it and focus on the joy of the upcoming experience, while moving forward toward our goals in a manner that respects our partnerships and honors our commitments to ourselves. The results? A feeling of peace, empowerment, and a recognition that our lives are what we choose to make of them and that sometimes, just sometimes, this means that we have to go it alone……..and that it’s all okay.

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