SOMETIMES, IT ISN’T ENOUGH TO HEAR THAT WE ARE ENOUGH

More often than not, we look at love as being some huge prize reserved for those of us who are good enough to deserve it.  We have to be lucky enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough, patient enough and kind enough.  As a result, we spend an awful lot of time attempting to master those things we assume will get us that prize.  

But eventually something happens.  Some of us begin to notice that we aren’t winning.   We assume that somewhere, somehow, something went wrong.  We go back over our list and check off all the things we’ve done to better prepare ourselves for the competition, and come to the conclusion that we haven’t done enough.  So, we up our game.  We read more books, attend more classes, diet more, exercise more, and find new ways to improve our appearance.  And in the midst of it all, are the firm declarations that we are only doing it for ourselves, not because we believe that if we get “better”, we will finally be good enough to love.  But sometimes, just sometimes, that’s a lie.

It’s a lie we tell ourselves because we have learned to mask our fears.  We have learned that strong women know their own worth and don’t need validation from others.  But there is a deeper truth behind that story; and that is we often do want the validation.  We want to be recognized.  We want to be acknowledged and we want to be chosen.  We want to be good enough to love.  But we can’t say that.  We don’t want to look like we care that much.  We don’t want to appear weak or needy, because being weak is for losers.  We want to win.  And when we do, we want to accept our prize showing the world that we were always confident in our ability to have it.  Now, that is not to say that every good thing we do for ourselves is to get love and approval from men or from anyone else, for that matter.  What I am saying is that if we are honest, we would admit that a lot of what we do actually is.

Although there are many who would proudly proclaim that they don’t need or even want the validation, there is still that quiet whisper of those who are not quite so convinced.  And they are ashamed; ashamed of their desire to be loved or of their fear of not being good enough.  So, let’s start having more real conversations-not just the ones where we tell one another how great and powerful and worthy we are.  While we are all of those things, there are times when we are also afraid and unsure and vulnerable.  And it is during these times that we should be able to simply say, without judgment, “Sometimes, I feel like I’m just not good enough.”  We don’t need to hear how smart or pretty or talented we are and we don’t need to hear what we could do to make ourselves better.  We only need to hear, “I know how that feels.” 

- Angie G.



TELL YOUR EGO TO GET ITS OWN FACEBOOK PAGE

Some folks need to stay off Facebook-at least for a while. A brief vacation, maybe. It seems like some of us may have gotten a little beside ourselves and need to take some time off to reflect on where we have been and where it is that we want to go. And I almost hate to say it, but it seems as if the more “enlightened” of us are the ones who most need the break. I think that you might know the type that I’m talking about-the ones who start off sharing their good thoughts and positive messages with the world, but then develop some weird kind of attachment to how those messages are received. The ones who begin to run amuck and become slightly, if not completely obnoxious when they perceive that others are not responding to them in the way that they think they should. After all, they are only attempting to share good news. And we should appreciate them for their efforts.

It’s ego on steroids. It’s the rejection of ego followed by a breakdown-complete identification with ego. I have to admit that I am at times completely disturbed by it. Maybe that’s because it reminds me of just how strong this ego thing is; and just how vulnerable we all are to its machinations. The very thing that so many of us are seeking to minimize can pop up with a vengeance so strong that it can take even the most benign belief or perspective and manufacture it into a personality that we adopt in an effort to assert ourselves as morally, spiritually or even intellectually superior to others.

It’s always right there lurking and waiting for an opportunity to judge and criticize; to play the victim and be the aggressor; to compete and win at any cost. And the ego just loves social media. Left free to roam, it jumps all up on Twitter and Facebook for the sole purpose of being clever and letting everybody know just how much it knows. It seeks constant validation through positive comments and “likes”, using social media as a stage on which it can perform to the applause of thousands of adoring fans. It can be self-righteous and aggressive or self-deprecating and seeking support/pity. That ego ain’t nothing nice and it will not be ignored. It’s got something to say, and you are most definitely going to hear it.

It has a legion of personalities and disguises. So many in fact, at times it’s hard to keep up with them all. I have witnessed even the most “positive” people engage in all types of questionable shenanigans and tomfoolery because of its warped perception that it has been insulted or offended, that its authority has been challenged or its brilliance denied.

So who is really doing the talking? Is it us, or is it the ego? And who is it that we really want people to know? Because of social media, we have unprecedented access to people all over the world and the ability to freely communicate our thoughts and ideas. This can work to our betterment or to our detriment and as always, we get to choose which one we want it to be. In the future, before we post or make a comment, we might want to consider asking ourselves the question, “why am I really doing this?” The answer just might surprise us.


-Angie G.

"IT DOESN’T MATTER AND IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT IT DOESN'T MATTER"-WHY IT MATTERS

There’s so much talk about Spirituality nowadays. There are the books, the blogs, the forums, and seminars, and then there are the informal discussions among friends. Having had quite a few conversations on the subject myself, I’ve noticed something that often leaves me feeling a bit uncomfortable. And that is how willing we are to suffer in the name of being spiritual. A suffering that comes a little close to being masochistic. Some odd form of self-torture designed to make sure that we are getting our lessons and to confirm that we are on the right path. A test that we are able to suspend all judgment. The practice of the belief that "It doesn't matter and it doesn't matter that it doesn't matter" gone awry.

Knowing that many consider spirituality to be a practice more than it is a belief, I can see how it is necessary to put action behind our beliefs. Makes sense. But often, we think that action includes intentionally putting ourselves in the line of fire so that we can prove that we are strong; and that we are letting go of the tendency to respond to people and circumstances through our egos. We allow ourselves to be subjected to stuff that just doesn’t feel good to us; mistakenly believing that if we are able to withstand the torture without judgment, we will magically learn to transcend ego. Now, I can’t speak for anybody else, but I choose not to sign up for that one. I’m just gonna have to fail that course.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand that sometimes we don’t know where we stand and what we truly believe until we are tested, but that doesn’t mean that we should seek opportunities to be uncomfortable or tolerate messiness in order to know for sure that we “get it.” There is no need to suffer unnecessarily under the weight of the belief that “it doesn’t matter, and it doesn’t matter that it doesn’t matter.” There is no need to “conquer” the ego. There is no such thing. There is only the awareness of ego. And sometimes, awareness is simply knowing what feels good or authentic to us. It’s also knowing what doesn’t feel good, honoring that knowing, and then deliberately choosing what works for us.

Ultimately, we all must take the path that we personally believe will lead to our greater good. But there is nothing wrong with acknowledging that some people and situations don’t work for us. That isn’t judgment or weakness or failure. That is growth.

-Written by Angie