TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS-KNOWING WHEN TO LET GO

As we grow, some longstanding friendships will fall by the wayside. When they do, many of us feel the familiar guilt that comes along with the story that we have somehow “abandoned” our friends; even when we know that these relationships no longer serve us-the “us” that we have become and are becoming. And so, we find ourselves stuck in the “how do I end this relationship?” quagmire; so completely over it, yet feeling some strange sort of obligation to hang on in there. Now, I’m not talking petty differences or throwing away perfectly good friendships over a simple misunderstanding. I’m talking about the relationships that drain us emotionally, mentally and physically (and sometimes financially!); the friends who leave us feeling diminished whenever we are in their presence.

Now I’m just as guilty as the next girl when it comes to this, but after a recent conversation with a close friend about this very subject, I realized that there comes a time when we all have to man or woman up. Nobody ever said that every friendship is meant to last forever. The energy that we bring to these stagnant and sometimes toxic relationships is heavy and uncomfortable at best, and extremely strained at worst. So, why do we choose to torture ourselves? Out of loyalty? Because we are good people? Or is it because we are holding on to memories of a time that has long since passed? Then again, it could just be that we are more concerned with how other people will judge us for walking away than we are with our own comfort and well-being.

At a certain age, we are very clear about our likes and dislikes. We know exactly who and what works for us; and when we know, we owe it to ourselves to honor that. When the quality of our relationship with ourselves improves, so does the quality of the relationships that we choose to have with others. And on our journey towards better defining the types of relationships we wish to have, sometimes the best thing for us to do is to lovingly say, “Goodbye” to those who no longer fit.

Admittedly, I have never been one to have a lot of “friends.” But now more than ever, as I go through my own process of weeding out relationships that no longer fit, I cherish that small number of people in my inner circle. Those beautiful women (and men!) who inspire me; who lift me up, but who are also willing to shut me down; who love me at my most unlovable, and always see me as being the wonderful possibility that I am; who don’t need labels or grand gestures or pretense; who seek to enhance, and not diminish, every life they touch. My intention is to be and do the same.

-Angie G.