“You can’t take sides against anything. If you would just leave the “against” part out; if you would just be the one who is FOR things-you would live happily ever after…..”
-Abraham
As I read this quote this morning, it got me thinking about what it would look like if I could just completely focus on what it is that I DO want- what I desire to create, and what I wish to experience. We are all so geared towards fighting against something, taking sides, pointing out what’s “wrong” or how things “should” be, that we often lose focus on what it is that we truly want. We make it mean something to join causes that fight against injustice. We make it mean something that we are able to identify “wrongs” and point out where others, even ourselves, have failed. But in doing this, we allow ourselves off the hook. We don’t have to be responsible for our mis-creation. After all, it isn’t us. Other people or circumstances are ”bad” or holding us apart from our greatest good. We take a position against those things and very vocally express our displeasure. We believe that, in itself, means that we are taking positive action.
My personal challenge is to focus solely on what I want to create; to deliberately choose to be FOR something. Too idealistic, some would say. They would argue that there are things that are wrong in the world, and that we must take a stand against those things if we wish to see positive change. But, something tells me that the real magic is in being able to see our corner of the world (our personal experience) as we want it to be, and in taking a stand FOR that which would bring us the most joy and peace. That is my goal for my life today and each day forward.
-This post was written by Angie
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
DO WE REALLY WANT COMMITMENT?
A good friend of mine was sitting at a restaurant bar enjoying a drink when a man (I’ll call him “Mike”) walked up and sat next to her. They began a friendly conversation and eventually, the topic of relationships came up. Of course, my friend had to ask, “Why is commitment so hard for men?” And that’s when Mike dropped a bombshell….
“Well, it’s obvious when a man doesn’t want to commit, even if he has been involved with a woman for a long time. But a lot of women have a problem with commitment, as well. It just looks different for them. A woman will choose to be with a guy knowing that he is not worthy of her or that he isn’t relationship material. That way, she can avoid having a real commitment and not be held accountable.”
Hmmmmmm. Maybe this guy was on to something (even if he didn’t directly answer the question!). As she shared his comments with me, we both had to admit that it wasn’t exactly the most profound thing that either of us has ever heard, but it opened the door for a great conversation. We came to the conclusion that there was a lot of truth in his statement. How many of us have gotten involved with a man knowing that he is ultimately not going to settle down and become the “ideal” mate (at least not for us)? We get to be the ones who are totally engaged and committed (at least in appearance) to making a relationship work. We get to be the long-suffering partner who makes all of the sacrifices. We get to walk away looking good when the relationship finally implodes. We get to fail and still look sexy. It’s not our fault. After all, we did try our best, didn’t we? But the million dollar question is, “If we sign up to play on a losing team, are we really trying to win?” It seems to be a little too convenient that we get to place so much of the blame on men. The fact is that if we spend our time focused on how wrong they are, we never get around to looking at ourselves.
Some may argue that we as women are all about the love and that it isn’t our fault that there are men out there who are into playing games or who are afraid to settle down with a good woman. Others will argue that we cannot help who we fall in love with and the fact that we are willing to stick it out is proof of our willingness to commit. Some will say that Mike is a typical guy looking to blame women for what we perceive to be men’s shortcomings. In the end, it really doesn’t matter what Mike’s intentions were when he made the statement. He spoke a truth that is worth examining. When we develop a pattern of becoming involved in relationships that lack commitment, how committable are we, really? We are the creators of our own experiences, and that includes relationships.
Of course, this isn’t about blame. It isn’t about giving a pass to the guys out there who make a sport of being elusive in relationships. And, it’s certainly not meant to accuse every single woman of being an undercover commitment-phobe. It’s about us being willing to take an honest look at ourselves, without feeling the need to examine someone else’s behavior. It’s about clearing our own path, coming into our own happiness, and becoming very deliberate creators of the type of relationships that we want to experience. When it comes to relationships, are our actions in alignment with what we say that we really want or are we setting ourselves up to fail? Just a little something to think about…….. Thanks, Mike.
-This post was written by Angie
“Well, it’s obvious when a man doesn’t want to commit, even if he has been involved with a woman for a long time. But a lot of women have a problem with commitment, as well. It just looks different for them. A woman will choose to be with a guy knowing that he is not worthy of her or that he isn’t relationship material. That way, she can avoid having a real commitment and not be held accountable.”
Hmmmmmm. Maybe this guy was on to something (even if he didn’t directly answer the question!). As she shared his comments with me, we both had to admit that it wasn’t exactly the most profound thing that either of us has ever heard, but it opened the door for a great conversation. We came to the conclusion that there was a lot of truth in his statement. How many of us have gotten involved with a man knowing that he is ultimately not going to settle down and become the “ideal” mate (at least not for us)? We get to be the ones who are totally engaged and committed (at least in appearance) to making a relationship work. We get to be the long-suffering partner who makes all of the sacrifices. We get to walk away looking good when the relationship finally implodes. We get to fail and still look sexy. It’s not our fault. After all, we did try our best, didn’t we? But the million dollar question is, “If we sign up to play on a losing team, are we really trying to win?” It seems to be a little too convenient that we get to place so much of the blame on men. The fact is that if we spend our time focused on how wrong they are, we never get around to looking at ourselves.
Some may argue that we as women are all about the love and that it isn’t our fault that there are men out there who are into playing games or who are afraid to settle down with a good woman. Others will argue that we cannot help who we fall in love with and the fact that we are willing to stick it out is proof of our willingness to commit. Some will say that Mike is a typical guy looking to blame women for what we perceive to be men’s shortcomings. In the end, it really doesn’t matter what Mike’s intentions were when he made the statement. He spoke a truth that is worth examining. When we develop a pattern of becoming involved in relationships that lack commitment, how committable are we, really? We are the creators of our own experiences, and that includes relationships.
Of course, this isn’t about blame. It isn’t about giving a pass to the guys out there who make a sport of being elusive in relationships. And, it’s certainly not meant to accuse every single woman of being an undercover commitment-phobe. It’s about us being willing to take an honest look at ourselves, without feeling the need to examine someone else’s behavior. It’s about clearing our own path, coming into our own happiness, and becoming very deliberate creators of the type of relationships that we want to experience. When it comes to relationships, are our actions in alignment with what we say that we really want or are we setting ourselves up to fail? Just a little something to think about…….. Thanks, Mike.
-This post was written by Angie
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
STARTING A NEW YEAR-WITHOUT RESOLUTIONS
It’s a new year. Out with the old and in with the new. Many of us have made resolutions that were broken two weeks into the new year, or that we are well on our way to backsliding on. I’ve never been really big on resolutions. Maybe that‘s because ever since I was a child, I’ve been hearing that most people break them. It’s almost a cliché. And so I figured there was never a point to making them, other than to tell ourselves or the world that we want to make a change. We have identified that there is something “wrong” with us that needs fixing-something that we have full control over, but have been too busy, lazy, or fearful to take control of. So now, as the new year begins, we resolve to buckle down or take the bull by the horns, or whatever it is that we make up in our minds to do. We are ready to face our challenges head on and do what we know it will take to get the job done or to accomplish our goals. We are ready to make a fresh start and take control of our lives, our careers, our weight, our destinies. We create a plan and set it in motion.
As I thought about resolutions and wrestled with how to accomplish all of the things that I already know that I want, intend and/or “need” to do (because it’s actually the same stuff that has been hanging around since last year-and maybe even the year before, but that’s another story), I became really clear about one thing. My “struggle” hasn’t been in doing too much of one thing or not enough of another. It isn’t even a lack of commitment. My struggle has been in my resistance to surrender. And, I do not think that I am alone.
We get so caught up in what we think we know, or in judging ourselves for what we think that we “should” know, that we won’t allow ourselves to surrender. We plot, strategize, schedule and calculate our way into being successful, but we often find ourselves unsatisfied with the results. We have to fail over and over again, only to start the cycle again the next year. We think that if we let go and allow ourselves to be divinely inspired that we aren’t taking enough action to get to where we want to be. We aren’t pushing ourselves hard enough. It never occurs to us that all of the good stuff happens when we just sit still and allow; following in the path that is set before us. We mistakenly believe that surrender is an admission of weakness or apathy, so we instead wrestle with resistance to what is and use force to get us the results that we desire. But, surrender is not weakness and it certainly isn’t laziness. It’s an acknowledgment of a Source greater than ourselves; a Source that knows the fastest and smoothest way to get from point A to point B. And, as I sat with these thoughts, I heard a voice say, “start with the basics.” And the basics is simply knowing what I want and where I want to be; giving up the belief that I know best about how to get there.
And this is where I am, today. My prayer is, “I know nothing. Teach me.” I am unlearning the habit of making something happen and truly coming to understand that it isn’t about committing myself to more or better activity. It is about allowing myself to be inspired and following the path of that inspiration. All else is like the thrashing about of a drowning man; and there is no need to drown. I can float.
-This Post was written by Angie G.
As I thought about resolutions and wrestled with how to accomplish all of the things that I already know that I want, intend and/or “need” to do (because it’s actually the same stuff that has been hanging around since last year-and maybe even the year before, but that’s another story), I became really clear about one thing. My “struggle” hasn’t been in doing too much of one thing or not enough of another. It isn’t even a lack of commitment. My struggle has been in my resistance to surrender. And, I do not think that I am alone.
We get so caught up in what we think we know, or in judging ourselves for what we think that we “should” know, that we won’t allow ourselves to surrender. We plot, strategize, schedule and calculate our way into being successful, but we often find ourselves unsatisfied with the results. We have to fail over and over again, only to start the cycle again the next year. We think that if we let go and allow ourselves to be divinely inspired that we aren’t taking enough action to get to where we want to be. We aren’t pushing ourselves hard enough. It never occurs to us that all of the good stuff happens when we just sit still and allow; following in the path that is set before us. We mistakenly believe that surrender is an admission of weakness or apathy, so we instead wrestle with resistance to what is and use force to get us the results that we desire. But, surrender is not weakness and it certainly isn’t laziness. It’s an acknowledgment of a Source greater than ourselves; a Source that knows the fastest and smoothest way to get from point A to point B. And, as I sat with these thoughts, I heard a voice say, “start with the basics.” And the basics is simply knowing what I want and where I want to be; giving up the belief that I know best about how to get there.
And this is where I am, today. My prayer is, “I know nothing. Teach me.” I am unlearning the habit of making something happen and truly coming to understand that it isn’t about committing myself to more or better activity. It is about allowing myself to be inspired and following the path of that inspiration. All else is like the thrashing about of a drowning man; and there is no need to drown. I can float.
-This Post was written by Angie G.
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