We’ve all seen someone do it, and at some point or another, we’ve all done it ourselves. We make what we consider to be a mistake that’s too obvious to hide. It’s done and it’s out there for the entire world to see. So what? Stuff happens. It’s a part of being human. We could give ourselves a break, but only if the mistake is with something that our ego hasn’t attached itself to. And because the ego’s job is to keeps us invested in looking good, we have to make up something. We have to tell ourselves something so that we can feel better about our shyt.
It isn’t our fault when our relationships don’t work. It isn’t possible that our vibrational picker could be off, or that we are too difficult, or too clingy or too dismissive, or too……something. Our relationships don’t work because the men out there just don’t get us, or they are players, or they are too immature, or just not “right” in some way. That project at work didn’t go south because we failed. It happened because “they” sabotaged us or didn’t give us all of the information we needed to get the job done. We didn’t sit back and not participate, contribute our fair share, or carry our part of the load because we were being lazy. No! It was because somebody else made us feel that our contribution didn’t matter, so we figured, “what would be the point in trying?” We weren’t an hour late for dinner because we failed to leave home on time. We would NEVER treat our friends so carelessly. We were late because of traffic, and everybody knows how bad LA traffic is. We didn’t snap and go off because we were feeling on edge. We are far too nice and too spiritual for that. We snapped because we were pushed to the limit by someone else and the object of our wrath deserved exactly what they got.
And that’s just what the ego does. It is the ultimate victim, and it is also the ultimate liar. It points fingers and tells us that we would get along just fine if it weren’t for all the people and stuff that keeps getting in the way of our good doings. It makes us avoid the truth about who we are being. It makes us avoid facing the challenges that could help us to more fully develop into the people that we want to be. The ego keeps us in bondage and keeps us playing small.
But consider this-what would it look like if instead of telling ourselves something so that we can feel better about our shyt, we actually allow ourselves to sit with the gnawing, uncomfortable feeling that we could have done more, been more, or had more if we had just made different choices? What would it look like if we gave ourselves permission to be imperfect during those times when we just don’t have it in us to give 100%; to choose not to blame, complain or justify ourselves to others? And what would it look like if we gave ourselves permission to learn from all of it? That just might look a little like freedom.
-This post was written by Angie
Friday, March 11, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
TAKING A STAND FOR WHAT WE WANT
“You can’t take sides against anything. If you would just leave the “against” part out; if you would just be the one who is FOR things-you would live happily ever after…..”
-Abraham
As I read this quote this morning, it got me thinking about what it would look like if I could just completely focus on what it is that I DO want- what I desire to create, and what I wish to experience. We are all so geared towards fighting against something, taking sides, pointing out what’s “wrong” or how things “should” be, that we often lose focus on what it is that we truly want. We make it mean something to join causes that fight against injustice. We make it mean something that we are able to identify “wrongs” and point out where others, even ourselves, have failed. But in doing this, we allow ourselves off the hook. We don’t have to be responsible for our mis-creation. After all, it isn’t us. Other people or circumstances are ”bad” or holding us apart from our greatest good. We take a position against those things and very vocally express our displeasure. We believe that, in itself, means that we are taking positive action.
My personal challenge is to focus solely on what I want to create; to deliberately choose to be FOR something. Too idealistic, some would say. They would argue that there are things that are wrong in the world, and that we must take a stand against those things if we wish to see positive change. But, something tells me that the real magic is in being able to see our corner of the world (our personal experience) as we want it to be, and in taking a stand FOR that which would bring us the most joy and peace. That is my goal for my life today and each day forward.
-This post was written by Angie
-Abraham
As I read this quote this morning, it got me thinking about what it would look like if I could just completely focus on what it is that I DO want- what I desire to create, and what I wish to experience. We are all so geared towards fighting against something, taking sides, pointing out what’s “wrong” or how things “should” be, that we often lose focus on what it is that we truly want. We make it mean something to join causes that fight against injustice. We make it mean something that we are able to identify “wrongs” and point out where others, even ourselves, have failed. But in doing this, we allow ourselves off the hook. We don’t have to be responsible for our mis-creation. After all, it isn’t us. Other people or circumstances are ”bad” or holding us apart from our greatest good. We take a position against those things and very vocally express our displeasure. We believe that, in itself, means that we are taking positive action.
My personal challenge is to focus solely on what I want to create; to deliberately choose to be FOR something. Too idealistic, some would say. They would argue that there are things that are wrong in the world, and that we must take a stand against those things if we wish to see positive change. But, something tells me that the real magic is in being able to see our corner of the world (our personal experience) as we want it to be, and in taking a stand FOR that which would bring us the most joy and peace. That is my goal for my life today and each day forward.
-This post was written by Angie
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
DO WE REALLY WANT COMMITMENT?
A good friend of mine was sitting at a restaurant bar enjoying a drink when a man (I’ll call him “Mike”) walked up and sat next to her. They began a friendly conversation and eventually, the topic of relationships came up. Of course, my friend had to ask, “Why is commitment so hard for men?” And that’s when Mike dropped a bombshell….
“Well, it’s obvious when a man doesn’t want to commit, even if he has been involved with a woman for a long time. But a lot of women have a problem with commitment, as well. It just looks different for them. A woman will choose to be with a guy knowing that he is not worthy of her or that he isn’t relationship material. That way, she can avoid having a real commitment and not be held accountable.”
Hmmmmmm. Maybe this guy was on to something (even if he didn’t directly answer the question!). As she shared his comments with me, we both had to admit that it wasn’t exactly the most profound thing that either of us has ever heard, but it opened the door for a great conversation. We came to the conclusion that there was a lot of truth in his statement. How many of us have gotten involved with a man knowing that he is ultimately not going to settle down and become the “ideal” mate (at least not for us)? We get to be the ones who are totally engaged and committed (at least in appearance) to making a relationship work. We get to be the long-suffering partner who makes all of the sacrifices. We get to walk away looking good when the relationship finally implodes. We get to fail and still look sexy. It’s not our fault. After all, we did try our best, didn’t we? But the million dollar question is, “If we sign up to play on a losing team, are we really trying to win?” It seems to be a little too convenient that we get to place so much of the blame on men. The fact is that if we spend our time focused on how wrong they are, we never get around to looking at ourselves.
Some may argue that we as women are all about the love and that it isn’t our fault that there are men out there who are into playing games or who are afraid to settle down with a good woman. Others will argue that we cannot help who we fall in love with and the fact that we are willing to stick it out is proof of our willingness to commit. Some will say that Mike is a typical guy looking to blame women for what we perceive to be men’s shortcomings. In the end, it really doesn’t matter what Mike’s intentions were when he made the statement. He spoke a truth that is worth examining. When we develop a pattern of becoming involved in relationships that lack commitment, how committable are we, really? We are the creators of our own experiences, and that includes relationships.
Of course, this isn’t about blame. It isn’t about giving a pass to the guys out there who make a sport of being elusive in relationships. And, it’s certainly not meant to accuse every single woman of being an undercover commitment-phobe. It’s about us being willing to take an honest look at ourselves, without feeling the need to examine someone else’s behavior. It’s about clearing our own path, coming into our own happiness, and becoming very deliberate creators of the type of relationships that we want to experience. When it comes to relationships, are our actions in alignment with what we say that we really want or are we setting ourselves up to fail? Just a little something to think about…….. Thanks, Mike.
-This post was written by Angie
“Well, it’s obvious when a man doesn’t want to commit, even if he has been involved with a woman for a long time. But a lot of women have a problem with commitment, as well. It just looks different for them. A woman will choose to be with a guy knowing that he is not worthy of her or that he isn’t relationship material. That way, she can avoid having a real commitment and not be held accountable.”
Hmmmmmm. Maybe this guy was on to something (even if he didn’t directly answer the question!). As she shared his comments with me, we both had to admit that it wasn’t exactly the most profound thing that either of us has ever heard, but it opened the door for a great conversation. We came to the conclusion that there was a lot of truth in his statement. How many of us have gotten involved with a man knowing that he is ultimately not going to settle down and become the “ideal” mate (at least not for us)? We get to be the ones who are totally engaged and committed (at least in appearance) to making a relationship work. We get to be the long-suffering partner who makes all of the sacrifices. We get to walk away looking good when the relationship finally implodes. We get to fail and still look sexy. It’s not our fault. After all, we did try our best, didn’t we? But the million dollar question is, “If we sign up to play on a losing team, are we really trying to win?” It seems to be a little too convenient that we get to place so much of the blame on men. The fact is that if we spend our time focused on how wrong they are, we never get around to looking at ourselves.
Some may argue that we as women are all about the love and that it isn’t our fault that there are men out there who are into playing games or who are afraid to settle down with a good woman. Others will argue that we cannot help who we fall in love with and the fact that we are willing to stick it out is proof of our willingness to commit. Some will say that Mike is a typical guy looking to blame women for what we perceive to be men’s shortcomings. In the end, it really doesn’t matter what Mike’s intentions were when he made the statement. He spoke a truth that is worth examining. When we develop a pattern of becoming involved in relationships that lack commitment, how committable are we, really? We are the creators of our own experiences, and that includes relationships.
Of course, this isn’t about blame. It isn’t about giving a pass to the guys out there who make a sport of being elusive in relationships. And, it’s certainly not meant to accuse every single woman of being an undercover commitment-phobe. It’s about us being willing to take an honest look at ourselves, without feeling the need to examine someone else’s behavior. It’s about clearing our own path, coming into our own happiness, and becoming very deliberate creators of the type of relationships that we want to experience. When it comes to relationships, are our actions in alignment with what we say that we really want or are we setting ourselves up to fail? Just a little something to think about…….. Thanks, Mike.
-This post was written by Angie
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